Even in laughter the heart may be in pain,
and the end of joy may be grief.

Proverbs 14:13

I am writing this on Valentine’s Day. Another holiday blown up and ruined by greed and unattainable expectations! Another holiday so far removed from its original intent, that it is shocking to learn what the real commemoration of Saint Valentinus was all about and his grizzly death. If you’re interested, Google will help you find out the truth.

I don’t write this to be the gloom and doom lady! I love holidays and my husband is smoking me a prime rib dinner tomorrow for our Valentine celebration! Better than any restaurant can do. He is amazing on the smoker and grill! I just believe it is always good to dig into our holidays, discover the truth of their origins and then celebrate as appropriate or don’t celebrate if the truth of the holiday is contrary to one’s conscious. Now, there’s a novel idea. But, enough of my digression.

Our key verse today is an intriguing use of contradiction and I’ve had to reread it several times to get even a hint of its intent. And what I’ve found is a brilliant and succinct description of how a large portion of people endure…yes, endure Valentine’s Day and sometimes endure every single day. We, as Christ-followers must align our own hearts properly so we can walk alongside those who struggle with the ‘joys’ of just living. 

In my arrogance, I used to think people who laughed off their grief or disappointments were being so fake and hollow. And I suppose that may sometimes be true. However, now that I have experienced deep horrifying grief and loss, I understand today’s key verse. I have discovered there are many reasons we try and mask our deepest grief and pain. 

Grief, especially faced in the death of our soulmate or a child or a parent, cannot be fully understood until one faces it down themselves. 

I would never dare to try and cover in depth such a serious and complex human tragedy. I will attempt to share a few thoughts in relation to our key verse with the realization that no person’s grief process is the same as another person’s nor are results the same in their struggle to preserve life.

It may be that the person is in denial. Denial is, actually, a normal and important piece of the intricate puzzle of reclaiming one’s life when facing the death of a loved one. This can be a treacherous place to be, though, if one allows themselves to linger in denial for very long. When denial envelopes a person for many years, then their grief is never faced down. In fact, may not have been faced at all. The mask of ‘laughter’ has become so entrenched that the mask wearer no longer lives in reality. They eventually believe their own false narrative that everything is ‘Fine. I am just fine.’ This dear human soul needs special assistance by those trained to carefully lead them back to authenticity.

For the majority of us, we find that laughing, even when we don’t feel like, it is our attempt at being ‘normal’ again. Whether we have carried the burden of grief for just a few hours or we have carried the pain for months…we just want to remember what it feels like to smile and laugh and enjoy life again. And for a few moments or even a few days, joy pushes some of the grief out of our hearts. 

That’s why I think it is okay to share with a grieving person, funny or joyful moments we remember about their loved one. It is painful for them to recall these memories, but it helps them move forward one small step at a time. That’s why you can be at a memorial service or wake and witness the widow or parent smiling with tears streaming down their face. 

Joy is facing down grief. Grief will win this showdown for quite some time, but eventually joy will overcome the pain that laughter hid and the living can reclaim the remaining time of life God gives them one day at a time.